Why psychologist does not help

Imagine that you have decided to come to the dance. You didn’t go to the dance before. Or maybe you attended lessons of the other dance style. Group under the leadership of trainer makes unbelievable movements. You’re trying to catch the movement. You do better, but still it’s not what you need. The trainer comes to you and show the need movement. “So that’s what it was!”-you think. And then repeat.

Imagine that you have decided to come to the dance. You didn’t go to the dance before. Or maybe you attended lessons of the other dance style. Group under the leadership of trainer makes unbelievable movements. You’re trying to catch the movement. You do better, but still it’s not what you need. The trainer comes to you and show the need movement. “So that’s what it was!”-you think. And then repeat.

How many dozens of times did you make a wrong move before it came out right? Let’s take another example. Tooth cleaning. Do people know how to brush teeth? Everyone should have this skill. I propose an experiment. Buy in a pharmacy or dental clinic means to detect tooth plaque. Use it after brushing. You understand that use your brush wrong.

The third example. Do you think it’s easy to unlearn brushing teeth if you do it the same way all your life? Of course it’s not difficult but not so easy. Periodically, you will still do it as before.

What do these three examples show?

Learning new things is not easy. It’s great when the trainer can show how to do. But the psychologist can’t get into head by hands. That is why you will do many times practice, technique or meditation wrong. And it is normal. A psychologist differs from a non-psychologist in using all the practices he offers. He had failures of course. If something doesn’t help, it’s worth repeating. You may wrong when think you can do anything.

We do not see some consequences of our wrong actions. And we face them when we need emergency help of a dentist, psychologist, neurologist, etc. If you are sure that you do everything correctly and you do not care about any scientific research, then this article is apparently not for you. But yes, sometimes psychology knows exactly what this leads to. And if you don’t see how it works, maybe you haven’t just got the results yet. It is difficult to retrain and we slide to habitual forms of behavior.

Psycho-techniques are often aimed at correcting the wrong pattern of behavior to the right one. For example, “do not talk about your feelings” is replaced by “to express feelings in the mode of I-Messages.” Let’s back to the case of dance. How many times do you have to repeat actions to learn the movement or retrain the wrong learned movement? Answer: to retrain, you need more repetitions and attention. Why? Because we have a neural pathway in our brain, that is responsible for the wrong action.

We need to create another and also make sure that the brain always chooses a new pathway instead of the old one. Do you understand the scale of the work? That is why the new technique does not work either from the first or from the second or from the thirty-first time. Give your brain time. He’s growing new parts of himself! Have respect for the complexity of the time-consuming process.

Some psycho-techniques don’t work because they don’t suit you. Or because they’re stupid, it happens. Usually, if the technique is not suitable, you can feel it immediately. The psychologist explains the point of the technique, but the goals of the technique do not coincide with yours. But don’t forget that the psyche is a part of our body. If wean find time to learn new movement, we also should give our psyche time to learn new forms of behavior.  Take care of yourself.